11 survivors share their advice for people in abusive relationships

Reddit users who had survived abusive relationships were asked what advice they would give to anyone currently in one themselves, and this is what they said.

1. Walk out the door, now. Nothing out there is as bad as what’s already happening. There are shelters, there are people who will come in to your life right when you need them. You owe it to you. [Via]

2. Do not “stay because of the children”. If you do, Your children will grow up thinking this is how you treat your spouse. [Via]

3. If you can’t get out of it immediately be sure to exercise every day. It’s the best way to keep your body and mind armed for the daily onslaught. [Via]

4. The violence is going to escalate the longer you stick around. [Via]

5. If it’s emotional/verbal abuse, remember that whatever your partner is telling you isn’t true. It’s not your fault, and you are a good, strong person. Try to get out, and when you’re out try not to look back. Overall it’s just going to suck. [Via]

6. It’s ok to feel like you will drown without the relationship. To feel like you can’t make it on your own (financially, physically etc). You can but it may take some time for you to see this. [Via]

7. Make a plan and set a hard deadline for when you put it into action that does not relate to your SO’s behaviour. They will always do something that seems redeemable (it isn’t) and make you doubt your plan. It’s important that you believe in it. [Via]

8. There is no reasoning with your abuser. You will not make them see the light. The more you try the worse it will get. [Via]

9. When the abuse starts, get out. Don’t let the abuser control your life. I was lucky enough to get out, and I never need to speak to her again. [Via]

10. Find a support system. My friends have been amazing, and there’s nothing I can do to ever repay them. [Via]

11. It’s not your fault. (S)he will NEVER change. They don’t love you; they love the power they have over you. [Via]

Simply advising people in abusive relationships to ‘get out’ or ‘leave’ their partner can be harmful and the reality is that it’s really not that simple. Anyone seeking help or advice should contact the National Domestic Violence Helpine.