Do you believe that men need help today? If so, we should do lunch.
Specifically, this Sunday I’ll be speaking at the opening of the Canadian Association for Equality (CAFE) Ottawa Centre for Men and Families, “Ottawa’s first multi-service hub for the health and well-being of boys, men, fathers and families.” It’s May 28, at Biagio’s Italian Kitchen on Richmond Rd. at 2:00 and I hope you’ll contribute and, if in the area, attend, because surely such a thing is desirable.
I have noted some of these statistics before. But according to CAFE “Nearly one quarter of men in Canada have considered or attempted suicide, and men account for three quarters of all completed suicides … Men are equally likely to report being a victim of spousal violence, yet they are four times less likely to have access to services such as a crisis centre or support group. Shelters for male victims of violence do not exist in Canada.”
Do you believe that men need help today? If so, we should do lunch. No really.
That last fact is astounding. Even if men hit more often and harder, even if there should always be more shelters for women and children, is it fair or kind to have none for men? In Ottawa, a man can go to a homeless shelter in extremis. But he cannot take his children. So some men, in hellish situations, must choose between enduring abuse and abandoning his kids to the abuser.
In many other ways the law tends to sever fathers from children, including in fairly amicable separations. And it’s bad for kids. A male role model helps both boys and girls grow up to be healthy, balanced, fulfilled individuals who form solid families of their own. Men actually do matter.
I know there’s a lot to debate here. Though I’m proud to be on the board of the Ottawa branch of the Canadian Centre for Men and Families, I have differences with some of my colleagues on whether men’s problem today is that they’re still too masculine or that society values manliness too little. But that’s OK. We want free inquiry, not stifling orthodoxy. Right?
I bring this up because there are people who are profoundly, even viscerally, hostile to anything reminiscent of a Men’s Rights Movement or Male Rights Activism (MRA). CAFE says it’s not an MRA group. But some feminists fear that it’s part of the “patriarchy,” which they consider a force for great evil over many centuries, even while debating when or how it arose.
There are people who are profoundly, even viscerally, hostile to anything reminiscent of a Men’s Rights Movement or Male Rights Activism.
Such disputes are not, again, a bad thing. Intellectual inquiry involves skepticism, nit-picking, and robust debate over facts, logic and worldviews. Just ideally arguments, not quarrels, as G.K. Chesterton put it. But while it’s all fine and good to gather in cafes or CAFE or the local women’s studies group and debate this stuff — and getting the big picture right is crucial in the long run — there are people who can’t wait to receive help.
It’s odd how fast things can become polemical, especially today, and especially online and where gender is concerned. But I know some readers will look up who else is attending the lunch, shake their heads and, if we’re lucky, sigh, “Ah yes, the usual suspects.”
So if the speakers’ list seems, well, right-wing, let me put forward one weird reason. It’s remarkably hard to get most feminists to be interested in helping, even with a project that is, in large part, aimed at helping men get past traditional male roles.
Seeking help, counselling or protection from domestic abuse are not things an old-style “man’s man” like James Bond or Sam Spade would do. And CAFE declares itself open to everyone regardless of “sex, gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation” etc., while stressing that the Ottawa Centre for Men “will celebrate diversity among men and masculinities. The agency welcomes straight, gay, bi and trans men, as well as men of all ethnic, racial and religious backgrounds.”
Trust me on this, folks. Anyone who distinguishes sexual orientation from gender expression and speaks of “masculinities” is not part of the vast right-wing conspiracy.
Trust me on this, folks. Anyone who distinguishes sexual orientation from gender expression and speaks of “masculinities” is not part of the vast right-wing conspiracy. CAFE is quite sincere about seeking “engagement with social service, health-related, women’s and LGBT groups.” But members are also rightly concerned that “Many existing programs geared at men or fathers are mandated for and presuppose men who have perpetrated violence or abuse.”
Abusers need treatment once their victims are protected. But surely there ought to be a place for men who are not abusers, or whose abuse perpetuates a cycle. As CAFE literature puts it, “a man may be an aggressor, a victim, or occasionally both.”
Anyway, there’s a lot to discuss here. But there are also people who can’t wait until the discussion winds its way to wherever it’s going, like men trying to remain involved with their kids after separation, or feeling worthless because of unemployment or domestic abuse.
Please contribute, attend if possible, and help us create a place where those men and boys can get help now.
http://news.nationalpost.com/full-comment/john-robson-why-are-there-almost-no-shelters-for-male-victims-and-why-is-asking-that-question-so-controversial